Lyrics for The Crazies

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RAVENMAN

When he saw Elijah, he said to him, “Is that you, you troubler of Israel?”
(1 Kings 18:17)

Dirty sandals, a coat of camel
Do you see him walking down the road?
With the Spirit of God in his heart
He says: “Speak to the King,
for I shall not send him rain until He remembers who is Lord.”

And so Elijah he has to run for his life
Across the desert land of the plain
There is draught, but the Lord he feeds him
He sends him birds and he send him his Name

Ravenman, are you tired of running?
Raving man, are you alone?

And so Elijah he was Loner
For the wife of the King had slain the prophets of the Lord
And the people worshipped the Baals
Oh Elijah, are you alone with the Lord?

Ravenman, are you tired of running?
Raving man, are you alone?
You carry a forgotten Name in your heart
Will you call the people back to His throne?

And so Elijah he stood on Mount Carmel
He said: Let us choose once and for all
There can only be one God
Take your feet out of two seperate camps.
Let us now decide who to serve

Ravenman, are you tired of running?
Raving man, are you alone?
You carry a forgotten Name in your heart
Will you call the people back to His throne?

Raving man
Are you tired, are you tired of running?
Ravenman

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RUN, JONAH, RUN
“Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.” But Jonah ran away from the LORD and headed for Tarshish.
(Jonah 1:2-3)

Run, Jonah, Run
Run, Jonah, run
Cross the lands and the sea
Run from a God ’cause he chose you to be
the last hopeful word to the City so tossed
so run, Jonah, run
Is it you who is lost?

Where are you going
and what do you seek?
Tossed by the waves of a holy critique
Come man of God
are you hiding from Him?
Maybe its time
that you learned how to swim

Where are you going, Jonah?
The Lord has called your name
For the sake of a City that might turn round again
Where are you running, Jonah?
You can outrun your call
But the love of the Lord it fills the Earth
You can’t outrun the Lord at all

Speak, Jonah, speak
for the people will know
Turn them around; to His mercy they go
Do you lay buried beneath the great whale
of all that you missed
and the lessons you failed
Runner, oh, runner your walls must be down
I know you are upset-
the facts that you found-
That God up in Heaven
will patiently wait for you and the city to stop running away

Where are you going, Jonah?
The Lord has called your name
For the sake of a city that might
turn you back again
Where are you running, Jonah?
You can outrun your call
But the Love of the Lord it fills up the Earth
You can’t outrun his love at all

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COWS OF BASHAN

Hear this word, you cows of Bashan on Mount Samaria,
you women who oppress the poor and crush the needy
and say to your husbands, “Bring us some drinks!”
Amos 4:1

Here this, you Cows of Bashan
Up on Mount Samaria;
You the women who oppress the poor
and crush the needy down
Here this, the word of Lord,
there will come a different time
where he will raise the lowly up to take the place of the proud

So go up to Bethel and Gilgal- sin yet more
And bring me empty sacrifices.
Is that not what you adore?
I gave you empty stomach and lack of bread in every town
They’re not half as empty as the hearts
you pretend to bow down

I abhor the pride of Judah
and detest his fortresses
I will deliver up the city and everything in it

Won’t you hear me?
Cows of Bashan

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THE CALL

(Ezekiel 33)

Son of Man speak to this people
Scattered flock of Israel
Cry, cry
to the scattered flock
Cry, cry

—–

ONE LITTLE FRONT

“This is what the LORD Almighty said: ‘Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another.” Zecharaiah 7:9

The rage of war, the sword and famine
The fear of death when hope is ravaged
I feel like a pebble caught in the great big sea
So much death and so much pain
And so perhaps I shall refrain from doing anything at all
I feel so small

But one little action on one little front
One little step towards changing a moment
One little stand towards holding another’s hand
And one little life to follow a God
who said that our purpose in life is to love
One little life deciding to do what it can

The sting of loss, the need of hundreds
Opressing systems, rigid bondage
I see the injustice but do I just walk away?
There’s a God whose name’s Jehovah
He teaches that true faith, like water,
must saturate every cell in our hearts and lives

But one little action on one little front
One little step towards changing a moment
One little stand towards holding another’s hand
And one little life to follow a God
who said that our purpose in life is to love
One little life deciding to do what it can

No more empty sacifices
But a life lived in justice and mercy

I am one little action on one little front
One little step towards changing a moment
One little stand for holding another’s hand
And one little life to follow a God
who said that our purpose in life is to love
One little life deciding to do what it can

One little life doing what it can

They will know I am Lord

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KING OF HEARTS


One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. (2 Samuel 11:2)

He stands alone
A shepherd boy upon the throne
Gone from wrestling lions to the throne of Zion,
Here’s the little boy who stumbled Giants
Who would have thought?
Who could imagine there’d be glory in the dust?
Gold beneath the rust
Jehovah he don’t look at faces
he’s kinda into hearts
And here was one he loved enough
to use as seed to plant and grow his only son
So here he stands, in his command
The people with the name of God, the Great I AM
Here’s the king of hearts
The king of hearts

But then it came, the day he lost his game
He saw her bathing on the roof
The thought was entertained
Cause, see, she was a queen of spades
With her he dug a grave
A baby flush
King of Zion, leader of the people have you lost your way?
Have you lost your ace?
Cause God will never love you for your face
Oh, No, he loves you through the chest!
But don’t despair
He’ll never love you less
‘Cause God in Heaven
He’s a King of Hearts

Annointed ones became disjointed
It happens to the best of us
Deceived and disappointed
Cause we forget the oil
The times we that were blessed and favoured
Our vision blurs
Who’s up for sin’s flavour?
But hope is near to those repenting
Who see their wrongs and falls
And come before the Lord relenting
He never turns away a servant on his knees
It’s the heart he sees

It doesn’t matter to the Lord
The hand you’re dealt, or where you’re from
The places you been or where you’ve come
He doesn’t want your crown or sword
He only wants to be the only Lord
To sit upon
The throne of your heart
And you know that we all fall
From the lowliest beggar to the boss who got it all
Whether lowly in the dust or standing proud and tall
And heaven’s grace is always free for all
From the highest king to a lowliest shepherd boy

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NATHAN

Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!”
(2 Samuel 12:7)

It’s the one who walks into our courts
inhabiting the rooms where we are
It’s the one who remembers where we fell and just how far
It’s the voice we curse to hear
For the sword it strikes true
Into all we’ve built of lies and shades
Of the way we did not pursue

And who of us can truly say
That we could love the one who points the finger in blame?
And who would rejoice to see
The one who loves us beyond our choices?
My pride is wounded

It’s the one who strikes a match in your dungeon
so you can see you’re a prisoner
And he sticks out his neck
at the mere chance that you could be free
He who loves you more than you love yourself

who won’t leave you to gather dust on the shelf

It’s the conscience we stifled
whose mercy is an invitation home
It’s a friend who annoys us
who simply will not let go

And could you call your child after such a man?

And who of us could truly say
That we would love the one who points the finger of blame?
And who of us would rejoice to see
The one who loves us beyond our choices?
And our mistakes

causes us to see our guilt and shame
So that we could call the Name of the Lord?

And I can’t imagine to call my son Nathan

(2 Samuel 5:14, 15) These are the names of the children born to him there: Shammua, Shobab, Nathan, Solomon,  Ibhar, Elishua, Nepheg, Japhia, Elishama, Eliada and Eliphelet.
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PITTER, PATTER

When you come to appear before me,
who has asked this of you,
this trampling of my courts?
Stop bringing meaningless offerings!
Your incense is detestable to me.

(Isaiah 1:12-13)

I can hear the pitter patter of your feet
as you flood into my court
While your hearts are turned in the other direction
I can smell your many offerings-
meaningless things
Your incense doesn’t cover the stench of love forsaken

Stop doing wrong, learn to do right
Seek justice, encourage the oppressed
Defend the fatherless and the widow

You have spread your hands out wide
Sending out a wave, a tide of empty words
half-hearted utterings
When we both know they are full of blood
It’s about high-time you came and washed them
in my love

Stop doing wrong, learn to do right
Seek justice, encourage the oppressed
Defend the fatherless and the widow

—————-

PLEA
“When Israel was a child, I loved him,
and out of Egypt I called my son.
But the more they were called,
the more they went away from me.
Hosea 11:1-2

When Israel was a child
I loved him
and out of Egypt I brought my son
It was I who taught your steps
Taking you by the arms
But you do not realise it was who healed you

The more I call, the more you run
The more I call, the more you run

With cords of kindness
Ties of love
I will call you back
Call you back
I freed you, fed you, Child
Oh Israel!
How can I give you up?
I cannot give you up
Israel

When Israel was a child
I loved him
I love my child

Oh Israel! How can I let you go?
The People who carry my Name!

I cannot let you go
Oh no, I cannot.
Won’t you turn back?
Won’t turn back, Israel?
Israel
Israel

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DARE TO BE LIKE DANIEL

“But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the Chief Official for permission not to defile himself in this way. Amen.” (Daniel 1:8)

Oh Daniel, you’re the stuff of legends!
We love to sing your story to our young
Of a man so far from home
who was willing to stand alone
Especially when refusing to eat pork

And we sing,

Dare to be like Daniel
Dare to stand alone
Dare to face the lion’s den for what we learned at home
And we would be like Daniel
make no compromise
This we sing with gusto as we firmly shut our eyes

Dear Brother Daniel, your visions makes us feel
An appetite for the power to foresee
And we stand with awe and pride
at our wisdom that brought us here
See, we do the maths so well
and drink the future’s fear

And the Faithful sing….

Perhaps there is a message, an invitation
Deeper than to simply be in the know
Beyond calculations and watching anxiously
Perhaps the God of Daniel is saying: Trust in me

Dare to Daniel, dare to stand with God
Not a hero or a legend
simply flesh and blood
Choosing just to love a King who’s always in control
We could be like Daniel’s friends
If we could just let go

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SILVER LINING

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

(Israel 55:8-9)

God’s respect has become our fear
and his Love has become our lust for more
God’s justice has become our revenge
God’s mercy our carelessness

And I say
And I say:
Lord, do you have a word of hope
for the Lukewarm?

And you say,
“I will not defend your silver lining
but I will I defend the belief in your dawn
I will not merely fight for your survival
But I will give you life once more
Don’t settle for less
Silver linings are not a part of my business”

God’s truth has become our arrogance
God’s charity has become our patronising
And his vision has become our narrow-mindedness
His poetry our indulgence

And I say
And I say, “Lord, do you have a hopeful word to the Lukewarm at all?”

I will not defend your silver lining
I will I defend your belief in my dawn
I will not merely fight for your survival
But I will give you life once more

and I will lift you up
and I will restore

Enough of decoy dreams
Enough of empty endeavours
Enough of my weak words
Enough of my feeble faith

and loosing love

Please, do not defend my silver linings
But come defend the belief in your dawn
You will not fight for my mere surivival
But come and give me life once more
I will not defend your silver lining
I will defend your belief in my dawn
I will restore you, bring you home to all you were supposed to be
all you were supposed to be

Don’t settle for less
Don’t settle for your silver linings
But watch what I do next….

——————

PINOCCHIOS

“Christianity is a world that is a great sculptor’s shop. We are the statues and there a rumor going around the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life.” (C S Lewis)

He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” I said, “Sovereign LORD, you alone know.” (Ezekiel 37:3)

—-

We are the statues standing in a shop
Gleaming white and cold
Can’t move a muscle if I wanted to
If I wanted to
But there’s a rumour going round the room
That one of these days
Our cold souls will come to life
They will come to life

We’re just paper airplanes at flight
Folded into hope
Can’t glide further than a stone’s throw
Further than a stone’s throw
But there’s a message coming in the air
It’s blowing hard and strong
Saying that one day you will fly alone

Simply shadows of the real thing
Only hints of our true homes
Simply tasters of a great feast
We’re living Pinocchios

We are the children playing house
Having tea with dolls
And pretending that we own our four walls
Own our own four walls
But one of these days our Daddy will come home
And we’ll be drinking his wine
and dining at the table of the Saints
And every man owns a mansion

Simply tasters of the real thing
Only hints of our true homes
Simply tasters of a great feast
We’re living Pinocchios

We are the ghost towns
We are the drafts
We are the pilgrims
We are the masks
We are the students
and his intro song
We are the children who are playing along

Simply shadows of the real thing
Only hints of our true homes
Simply tasters of the great feast
We’re living Pinocchios
We’re living Pinocchios

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THE DAY OF THE LORD

“And afterward,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your old men will dream dreams,
your young men will see visions.

(Joel 2:28)

Right round the corner
Like roaring of waters
I’ll repay you for the years
In the desert and the hunger
I will pour out my Spirit
on all of these people
and they will know that I am God

See I will pour out my Spirit
Your sons and your daughters will soon prophecy
Your old men will dream and your young will see visions
and all who call on me will be saved

I’ll show them wonders
In the Heavens and on Earth
Blood and fire and billows of smoke
The sun turned to darkness
and the moon to blood red
Before the coming of the great Day of the Lord

———————————–

HEPHZIBAH


No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah,[a]
and your land Beulah[b];
for the LORD will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.

(Isaiah 62: 4)

For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent
For Jerusalem I will not remain quiet
Till her vindications shines out like the dawn
And her salvation like a blazing torch

Hephzibah- my delight is in her
And the Lord will marry you like a young man a woman
And your Builder shall take you as his bride

——————————-

SILENT

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.

(Ecclesiastes 5:2)

All these big words
We love to bathe in
It’s seem our boasting diminishes our thanks
All these big words
our preaching and our swanking
Our foolishness is brought into the light
from the shadows of our mouths

When we really should be silent
When we really should be silent
And humble when we speak of One we barely know
In honour of the miles between our earth and his throne
In honour of the miles between our earth and his throne

All this big talk
We love to impress people
Funny ’cause I thought we were trying
to serve Him alone
Fancy fine facades
our finally steeple
Our emptiness is weighed upon the scale
It takes his holy Ghost to fill these sails

When we really should be silent
When we really should be silent
And humble when we speak of One we barely know
In honour of the miles between our earth and his throne

In honour of the miles between our earth and his throne

—————————————

THE GREATEST

But what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet. This is the one about whom it is written:

“‘I will send my messenger ahead of you,
who will prepare your way before you.’

I tell you, among those born of women there is no one greater than John; yet the one who is least in the kingdom of God is greater than he.

(Luke 726-28)

Where are your signs and miracles
Where are the books you wrote
You are no psalmist or warrior
Man in a camel’s coat
You were a man of water
Sending out ripples in men
Speaking of someone who’s coming
Roaring aloud for a Lamb

John you are no Elijah
and you don’t fill Moses’ shoes
A man of the desert, wild honey
An artist made great by his Muse
Moses removed his sandals
When this One on Earth he stood
And you are not wrothy to loosen
a sandal from this One’s foot

He called you the greatest of Prophets
How could you be this one?
Not for the sake of your glory
but for the one who was to come
Oh John, do you know you will se hiim?
And you will immerge a King
Into the river of the people he came to save from their sins

You have placed your eye against the key-hole of time
See the dove descending on the One we’ve waited for

He called you the greatest of Prophets
But how can He be the One?
Not for the sake of his glory
But for the one who called him ‘Son’.

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The Crazies

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Yesterday the long- awaited (by me) THE CRAZIES was completed and burned unto the first CD. This CD is , more than anything,  storytelling in song. I have been trying to get under the skin of the Biblical Prophets. This long list of varied individuals whose calling included such things as standing before the townspeople butt-naked, fleeing for their lives for telling the truth, marrying prostitutes and running from God Himself.

Too often the role of the Prophet has been limited to a ‘foreteller’ role, where the focus of those who read them is on the seeing of future events. Though this is, more than not, a part of the Prophet’s role, (“I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come.” Isaiah 46:10) there is so much more to their calling. It is, first and foremost, a relationship- a three-way one between the Prophet and God and the people. The deeply dynamic dance te Prophets’ lives became in the presence of the One who called them, seems to range from the tenderness found in a marriage, to the utmost awe and adoration. Their journey was also closely tied to that of the people they were so often trying to lead back to a Lord, and both their interceding and love for a rebellious and corrupt nation many times resembles that of a mother more than an objective Wiseman.

The CD contains 19 tracks, spanning from the time of Elijah, through to the time of Kings, and on to the Exile to Babylon. And though the contexts change, and the words vary in the mouths of different men and women, the main message seems to resound through the years. God will, in love, not leave mankind in the vacuum of blind silence. He speaks hope, correction, direction and light to them. And his words are far from dead.

The main purpose behind this project has been a want to teach the Bible, and to try to speak its truths in song:

“Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.”

Colossians 3:16 NIV

Sitting down and spending hours studying, trying to understand the heart of the biblical text, looking in great depth at the stories of these Mouthpieces, has certainly humbled me greatly, and caused me to feel a great love for what they sacrified for the sake of the Word of the Lord. It has also been a very fascinating experience to try and ‘sing straight from the Bible’, as opposed to modernising, tweeking, regurgitating and processing everything that comes out of the Old Testament.

If you are at all interested in purchasing a copy, you may buy a CD for £ 5.

Just contact me on 07401145574, or drop me a line on facebook.

Coal Heapers

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Youtube. Sermonspice. TED videos. Kindle books. E-books. Libraries.

 

I am a theologian. Although I rarely see myself as one, my degree and what I spend the majority of my time on seems to leave one wthout doubt. And, as a student of a theology, and a member of a the Adventist church, I find myself  surrounded non-stop by stacks of books, unlimited supplies of theological sources online, and newer, faster, easier ways of putting the truth of the Gospel. How can we help but gobble it all up?

There are so many young preachers who are rising up in the ranks. They are using more creative, more innovative methods in expressing beliefs many grew up hearing on endless loops. That which was drier than toast is becoming a spoon-full of sugar to swallow. Deeper study, artistic ways of bringing to life worn-out messages. More information, more understanding, more passion, more talent paints the walls of the theological world today. And, naturally, we drink in the sweetest nectar that can be found in our own field.

It is recently I noticed the hint of a new trend arising amoung theologians in my vicinty. I began to notice that most every ice-breaker between theolgians and conversation between friends began along the lines of: “I need to send you this link,” or “You have gotta to check out this preacher,” or “So I found this new song.” Naturally, myself being an ardent reader and a musicholic, I gladly drink in the reccommendations of others who share similar tastes and interests as myself. My playlist with Christian songs grow daily; added to them are songs with brilliant lyrical twists, unusual use of instruments and unwavering singing of a powerful message which can do nothing but inspire. My list of sermons which I have listened to is substantial, far out-doing the amount of Sabbaths there are in a year. My book-shelves are insulated with bright ideas and lined with the silk of writers; the best minds, the greatest stories, the most life-changing ideas, the most breath-taking twists.

I have heard the Prodigal Son sermon being preached from eleven different angels. I have heard seven different twists to the David and Bathsheba story. I have heard the Creation described by Lucado’s poetic simplicity and Luther’s passionate awe. I have heard songs that surprise me, challenge me, push me, pull me, lift me to new heights and penetrate new depths. I have been brought to tears by deeply spiritual songs and found myself laughing with joy at the genius of Christian apologetic authors. I have been awed and re-awed and shocked and wondered and wooed.

I don’t think I have met anyone, as a group, who are further away from God than those who talk most about Him. Sure, we all say. It’s not news. We know this. Clergy, ministers and pastors have always been a group peppered with hypocrisy and empty religion. Find another headline.

But over this past summer I have come to realise a new level to this problem, and perhaps, where a lot of empty religious activity may originate from. As mentioned, the overwhelming waves of knowledge and inspirational resources are very present. Especially at a Christian college where resources and shared and re-shared. I know of those who would listen to sermons for five hours in one day. I know some who swallow theoligical works on Christianity by the hundreds of pages. I know some who listen to gospel when they wake up in the morning, and when they drive in their car and when they write their essays for class and when they relax in their bedroom in the evening. Constant flow of spiritual and theoligically-tuned information.

It is the overflow of gospel; our cup runneth over.

And yet there is an emptyness which cannot be ignored. And the two don’t add up.

A great number of theoligical students and ministerial workers have a deep, dark secret which I am now going to share because it was my own for a long time. We feel so empty. In the hidden caverns of our hearts there is a hunger we do not understand and a thirst we cannot explain. We know we’re empty, but we keep running on an empty tank. We feel disconnected and we keep preaching. We feel lost and we keep leading. We feel small and we keep defending. We feel tired and we keep working. We feel hungry and we keep eating information. We keep watching the movies, and the videos, and the sermons, and the listening to the songs, and the lectures. We keep reading the books. When you think about it, it’s very strange. The more enstranged we feel from truth, the more we are greedy after its consumption. The more empty we feel spirutually, the more we speak on the topic. The media and information we take in is constantly coloured by the very thing we don’t have.

How can this be? How can there be an overflow of intake of spiritual things, and yet such a internal poverty of it. How can we be eating more than ever and be starving more than ever?

And yet we consume more. We hear more sermons and listen to more lectures. We seek more truth and more stories and more twists and more lyrics. We watch more preachers and discuss more theology. All the while, hoping that dull and naked feeling inside will die away, or be burried under the mountain of our efforts to consume Jesus.

Perhaps the thing which began to bother me the most about this extravagant intake, was the loneliness of it. Think about it. The conversations which used to be two-way turned into monologues. Think of it as one, endless Twitter experience. We share no connection. There is only monologuing. The endless rant, the long line of one-liners and two-liners informing people. Watch this, see that, consume this, notice this. No connection; no openness for a bridge to be built between people. Just statements. Statements about MY interests, about MY ideas, about MY thoughts, about MY tastes.

Instead of entering into a two-way dialogue about current life, theogy students immediatley dived into the world of information, of entertainment, of digital matter, where the only two faces that meet are that of my own and the computer screen. True connection began to be replaced by hours of video-watching. Quality time with friends became replaced with the sharing of links and songs and podcasts and websites. It’s not that there is anything wrong with these mediums in themselves, but the fault lies in what they have hijacked. True human connection and relationship.

Another thing which also came to surprise me is the process mentioned, where theologians and ministers in particular, remedy their spiritual emptiness with consumption of further information and constant focus on work. Work, work, work. It’s as if: if we could only teach them enough about Jesus, then maybe we fill learn about him too. I do not look away from the fact that teaching is often a learning process as well for the teacher. But that is simply not enough. The greed for information and constant stimulation of inspiration has become an excuse for the real thing.

Information can never take the place of relationship. Words will never replace the need for meaning. The studying of a topic will never trump the need to live the truth of it. And perhaps this is where our emptyness is stemming from. And we’re missing it. Blatantly.

Perhaps we have been heaping coals on our own heads. Because, if you think about it, the more information you have, the more you are responsible for it. You cannot simply stand idly by and be a passive consumer of truth, wihtout you having to relate to it. Can we wash our hands clean of the amount of truth we have dumped into our own laps? All that we know about love, grace, salvation, truth, goodness, mercy, justice, the list goes on and on….. how can we come to feel empty inside? By daily raising these things up as pillars of information in our lives, only to realise that as long as they remain only information, they will never be able to support the roof of our faith.

In reality, perhaps we have no idea what these things really mean. We feel touched by the genius, awed by the medium, graced by the talent of the Preacher and moved by the beauty of the singer. But information cannot fill empty hearts and stomachs. God’s information was never meant to remain dead or passive. That’s why his word is called the Living Word. The word is alive, and he is a person. And the question arises in my mind: How many more sermons can I hear about loving my neighbour wihtout getting off my back-side, going out the door and ringing their door-bell? How many more times can I listen to a song about David without loving the house of the Lord as much as he did? How many more times can I rant on about great new ways of evangelising if I’m not even willing to build true and strong relationships with the people I already have in my life.

 

No wonder we feel empty. We have heaped coals on our own heads. By knowing so much, and yet not knowing anything, we remain living dead. How can we keep consuming the truth if we fear the spirit of the truth? How can we keep eating the letter of the word without trying to dance to its song? I would rather leave the youtube sermons and the podcasts and the books and the Christian albums to rest for a little awhile. And maybe, while I’m waiting, I might sit down on a bench, look one of his children in the eye and actually have a two-way convo with them.

 

Tired.

Standard

 

I sit on the bed, feeling a rain-scented breeze playing with the curtains. The night has overcome the day, and we are deeply grateful for the inauguration of this new power; the gravity which tugs at our eye-lids and slows our breath down. I’m tired. Above everything, the feeling of being tired has won the votes and officially represents the party of Moi. I’m tired.

Today I was especially tired. And many different kinds of tired too.

The dull blade of someone’s hurting actions stuck on repeat.

The exhausting call to get up again and again and again, despite the fact that you know the knocks will keep coming, faithful as taxes.

The blindness of people’s eyes in whom you wish you could depend on.

The shadow of an oncoming train of events and work to do which you have no idea how you’ll finish.

The energy-consuming fight for another’s life.

All the failed battles, the un-finished endings, the lost moments and disappointed fractions add up to a tall order of a low tank. I knew I was running low on fuel, and nobody else seemed to have any spare.

Except one. And she was willing to fill up and lift up.

I sit on the bed and fall into the pool of sleep I need so dearly to drown in. And I thank my God for sending me a candle on a dark road…just to keep me going. Just enough for me to see what steps I need to take ahead of me. Just enough to carry on tomorrow.